InsaneJournal

A look into the workings of the Irken race.

Typically, the very first thing you will notice about Irkens is their reverence of those gifted in height - however, it is not a baseless ideal, despite what the Irken race has lead other races to believe (because it’s just funnier that way). It was not even baseless before their introduction to the rest of the universe, though that will be covered later. The growth of an Irken is in fact stunted by his or her own ID PAK, by withholding the hormones necessary, and only when that Irken is deemed worthy will that Irken gain any height.

For instance, taking part in a successful raid on an alien planet may result in the addition of half an inch (or segment, as it were), or remaining in the higher scores of the Irken Training Academy (or in the training on Devastis), which promises continual (albeit sporadic) growth over a period of time. On the other hand, things such as assisting a member of an alien race, or serving someone else a meal, or just being nice, will result in no growth whatsoever. Most Tallers (and the Tallests themselves) are often awarded their height due to exemplary performances in the Academy or other such military duties. Meanwhile, drones are generally not so lucky, as their line of work offers them little to no chances of gaining height (of course, as they were unsuccessful in growing taller in the first place, from their time of hatching to the moment of their job encoding, this is considered to be entirely their fault).

It is important to note that modifying one's PAK to force the release of growth hormones is considered an unspeakable act, and that it will generally result in deactivation.

There have been noted cases where an Irken with superior skills has found him/herself unable to properly grow, however, few - if any - actions were taken to rectify the matter, as it is considered a defect of the PAK (most particularly, hormone irregularity).

Defectives, on the whole, are regarded as nuisances, no matter how minute the defect may be. The defects range from simple physical malformations (overly dark/light skin, too-long or stunted antennae, oddly/mismatched colored eyes, four fingers rather than three, etc.), behavioral problems (short attention span, phobias, irrational violence or paranoia), to emotional shortages (lack of emotion whatsoever) or surpluses (overly emotional, or the ability to feel emotions long since bred out), to data errors in the PAK (memory data corrupted or bits missing, incapable of storing knowledge long-term or short-term), to plain and simple insanity (barking mad, psychotic, crazy in the head, out of touch with reality, loco, off one’s rocker, etc.). And while the list of defects drags on and on, defectives themselves are, overall, surprisingly rare, and the seriously defective even more so. Until the hatching of Zim, no Irken had previously been born with more than one defect in their PAK.

On the topic of Zim, while the overall number of his actual defects are unknown, this particular Irken fits into an added total of five out of seven defect categories: behavioral problems (highly paranoid, short attention span, listening problem, violently possessive, lack of foresight, obsessive compulsive tendencies [particularly in the neatness/cleanliness aspects], extreme mysophobia/verminophobia [germs], rhypophobia [dirt/filth], carnophobia [meat], ombrophobia/hygrophobia/hydrophobia [rain, wetness/dampness, water overall]), emotional surplus (attachment to AIs, servants, pets, and other such inferior beings, uncontrollable temper, ability to acutely feel sadness and jealousy among other emotions), data errors in the PAK (deleted the whole of Irken knowledge to replace it with his own, due to the whole of Irken knowledge being 'a load of dookie'), PAK hormone irregularity (inability to gain height despite the few things he has accomplished, such as his surprisingly high scores in training and the design of his wormhole transportation system, among others), and plain and simple insanity (does this one even need an explanation?).

It is in the Academy, over a period of around fifty Earth years, that an Irken learns the basics (and not-so-basics) of stealth, infiltration, and warfare by way of holo-simulations and data downloads. Basically, it is at this point that the Irken learns what the ‘whole of Irken knowledge’ does not encompass, as the ‘whole of Irken knowledge’ revolves around such things as math, science, Irken history (and the collective memories of all important Irkens), various languages, everyday technology, the best snacks, how to properly lie to an alien, how to behave around those who are taller, and which alien species (and their planets) deserve to be set on fire for a really long time. (Note: this last bit is comprised of most alien races and their planets. Moral: Irkens are xenophobic jerks.)

Generally, an Irken who excels in stealth or infiltration will be trained in the ways of the Elite, or of the Invader class, while those who excel in warfare will remain as soldiers (and can work their ways up to becoming sergeants, commanders, etc., providing they meet the height requirements). Those who excel in absolutely nothing are typically the ones who become service drones (some may find their height in another way and avoid this fate). On the other hand, those who have top scores in all subjects are given the chance to choose what they want to do (a very rare thing in Irken society).

After the fifty years in the Academy, the soon-to-be soldiers are moved to the planet Devastis for another fifty to seventy years, where they progress from holo-simulation to physical training exercises and drills (as well as a variety of written tests). It is here that, based on their scores and height, any of the following can happen:

1.) Excelled in nothing – Demoted to drone status, quickly trained in a random job, and shipped off to perform that job for the rest of their life (unless they can prove themselves worthy of something better, which more or less only happens by gaining height)

2.) Excelled in warfare – Trained as a soldier, encompassing a variety of tasks (piloting, sharp-shooting, PAK combat, etc.)

It is to be noted that Irkens will generally avoid hand-to-hand combat, preferring to use their PAKs and other such technology, as most of them will be outmatched in physical strength when pitted against an alien. (Unless it’s like…a blob alien or something. Blobs usually aren’t very strong.)

3.) Excelled in stealth – Trained as an Elite soldier (requires a final written test and specialized physical exercises)

4.) Excelled in infiltration – Trained as an Invader (requires a final written test and a physical trial)

5.) Excelled in both stealth and infiltration – Trained as either an Elite or Invader, but can be trained in both if the Irken shows enough prowess (requires three finals – written test, physical exercises, and physical trial)

6.) Excelled in both stealth and warfare – Trained as a specialized soldier for guerilla warfare (requires a physical trial)

7.) Excelled in both infiltration and warfare – Trained as a specialized pilot in the Irken Armada, meant to assist Invaders in the first attack on a planet (requires a course in various spacecraft and weaponry)

8.) Excelled in all subjects – The individual may choose the profession they wish to be trained in, though they are limited somewhat based on their height (required final tests vary depending on choice)

The written tests, of course, vary with each subject, but the physical exercises and trials remain generally the same. Physical exercises measure speed, strength, agility, flexibility, durability, stamina, and test an Irken's quick-wittedness and ingenuity, typically in the form of an obstacle course. Physical trials, meanwhile, are meant to determine an Irken's physical durability, mental strength, and level of pain tolerance, in the event that the Irken in question is captured by an enemy (hence why it is generally required only for Invaders and soldiers trained specially for guerilla warfare). The failing of any test always results in being denied the corresponding status, though the Irken will be allowed to retake their tests after a certain amount of time, which depends on the occupation they were being tested for. Before that time comes, they are typically demoted, and placed into any job deemed appropriate by a Control Brain (more on these later).

Despite what one might think, an Irken does not have to be gifted in height to become an Elite soldier or Invader (in fact, for the latter, shorter Irkens are useful in that being too tall might stick out on an alien planet). Of course, shorter Irkens who manage to gain either (or even both) of the two titles are generally picked on by those who are taller than they are.

There is one more result that can come of an Irken’s time spent in the Academy and on Devastis, of course, and it is often the saving grace of those who might have otherwise become service drones. If an Irken shows prowess in scientific research/development, technology, medical practices, mechanics, and the like, they will often be trained in the appropriate field for most of the duration of their stay on Devastis. Some Irkens have showed promise in one or several of these things, such as Tallests Red (technology) and Purple (medical practice), Invader Skoodge (mechanics), and ex-Invader Zim (scientific research/development), but in regards to exemplary performance in the Academy and Devastis training (in the ‘more important’ fields of stealth, infiltration, and/or warfare), they were trained in the mentioned ‘more important’ fields.

Note: This is slightly inaccurate, as Tallest Red did in fact take a course in technology (no one else is quite as good when it comes to navigating through the Massive’s extensive systems and programming), and ex-Invader Zim spent quite some time in a military research and development facility (though, in an uncharacteristic sequence of events, he was sent here before his training on Devastis, as he had a nasty habit of destroying everything he got his hands on; thus, the Control Brains figured he would excel in military research – which he actually did, though he still managed to cause nothing but trouble).

After the training on Devastis is completed and an Irken’s job is encoded into their PAK, that is typically what that Irken will do for the rest of their life – and provided the PAK remains intact and attached to its host, that life can last from anywhere between two hundred to five hundred years, depending on how long the Irken can keep him/herself from being killed in the line of duty. It is unclear as to how long they are actually capable of living, however, as there have been no records of any Irken dying of old age – five hundred years is simply the longest recorded time an Irken has managed to stay alive, as life in the Empire is highly hazardous to one’s safety. Even drones with simple jobs are in near-constant danger, as Tallers may at any point decide to toss them out an airlock simply for amusement’s sake. Most Irkens, in fact, rarely see past their second century of life.

Of course, with their upbringing (that is, constant mental molding throughout their first hundred-fifty years of life), few if any Irkens are bothered by this lack of consideration for their lives and the lives of others, as to them, the Empire comes before a single Irken.

Moving on, to the subject of Irken PAKs and biology. The PAK is what keeps an Irken alive, as it has taken the place of the natural brain – Irkens still have their natural brains, of course, and require them inside their heads and more or less whole, but a damaged natural brain is rarely cause for concern (not that Irkens would show concern over such a thing in the first place). Generally, the natural brain is only used for temporary information, and has some hold on motor control, allowing for instinctual reactions that can often save an Irken’s life. It is also the central hub for emotions (though the deemed weak emotions are squashed out by the PAK), which have direct influence over the antennae. Most Irkens, of course, learn to control that influence in order to avoid giving away what they are feeling at all times. (It is especially important for the so-called Diplomats to learn such control, as antennae movements can give away whether an Irken is lying or not. And Irken Diplomats are generally always lying.)

The natural brain has one last function, which links it further to the antennae, and also to the peculiar Irken snacking trend (as Irkens do not, in fact, need to eat). Eating, or having one’s antennae stroked (gently, as the appendages are highly sensitive), brings the natural brain to release certain chemicals which lend to a feeling of relaxation or contentedness. Of course, as Irkens are apt to trust only themselves and will rarely (if ever) allow another close to their antennae, it is a feeling generally only acquired through snacking.

Food that is ingested is digested in the squeedilyspooch (more on this later), and the excess waste that is unable to pass through the Irken’s system is processed and taken care of by the PAK – both digested food and PAK-processed waste become energy at the end of the cycle. The energy that comes from digested food itself, however, is not stored, but rather used immediately, before whatever reserves are in the PAK. It shares this trait with sleeping, though sleep is a most uncommon (read: very rare) way of gaining energy.

There are a number of resources that can fuel an Irken's PAK – solar energy being one of the most commonly used (after leaving the Academy, at least, which takes place underground). Irkens can also plug their PAKs into an energy source, be it electric or otherwise. PAKs, however, need surprisingly little in the way of fuel – even a couple of hours in sunlight can give a PAK enough energy to last for many years to come. On the other hand, calling upon one’s PAK in a battle can drain quite a bit of energy, so it is not unknown for a soldier to plug their PAK up to an energy source beforehand (or afterward, if the fight was not anticipated).

PAKs contain a variety of useful implements, though some will only be allowed based on the owner's encoded career. For instance, personal shields are generally limited to soldiers and those of high rank, while spiderlegs - which can perform a wide array of tasks - are allowed only to Elites and Invaders. Most PAKs are fitted with simple tools that can fulfill most basic tasks, such as the repair of machinery, and all come with a communicator and a basic atmospheric filtration system (which can and usually is upgraded to an atmospheric generator, so as to be used in outer space itself as well as on alien planets). Tools from the PAK, spiderlegs in particular, require a certain amount of mental concentration to use, though over time it becomes second nature and can be easily done with hardly any focus; however, prolonged usage or lack of energy can greatly strain an Irken.

The most basic parts of the PAK and their uses consist of the following: a charging cell (which converts energy gathered from various sources into electricity for the PAK to use), power core (keeps the PAK running, obviously, and if the Irken is unconscious or dead, will generate an electric shock in an effort to revive them), data hub (also called data drives - containing, of course, most or all data/knowledge/memory), identification port (holds all the data on the PAK's owner, from name, age, and rank, to achievements, scores, and place of residence - it also links to the owner's credit standing, and is used to make purchases), back-up drive (in the event of a PAK malfunction, it will, as the name suggests, create a back-up of everything), spatial distortion storage device (contains an Irken's personals, which can be called upon simply by naming the needed/desired object), and system scanner.

The system scanner is one of the most complex components, and is mainly meant to detect problems in PAK, body, and mind. If the Irken becomes ill or starts to feel a 'weak' emotion, it will administer the necessary drugs/chemicals/hormones to alleviate the issue. If a part of the body (internal or external) is damaged, pain-killers will be released and nanobots will be sent to the area in question; if the injury is nothing but a simple cut (or something equally benign), it will heal in no more than five minutes, while injuries that are beyond the PAK's healing capabilities can often be fixed easily by a Medic. If the Irken is unconscious or dead, a signal will be sent to the power core to attempt the reactivation process. If the PAK is damaged, or parts inside the PAK are damaged, the same nanobots used for injuries will be directed to fix what they can; if the damage is too extensive, the Irken will have to do the repairs themselves or have someone else assist them. Complex parts or tools, such as spiderlegs, are generally only reparable manually.

In soldiers, especially those that are higher ranking, the system scanner has an additional special purpose, used only in times of great peril. If the PAK detects that its host is in danger and unable to defend him/herself for whatever reason, and the PAK is more or less unobstructed, the system scanner will issue commands to the rest of the components to protect the Irken with any means necessary. This typically happens only in the following situations: 1.) The Irken is mentally drained and cannot call forth any weapons, in which case the PAK will rely on emergency energy reserves in the charging cell to bring said weapons out on its own to target the threat, without the host's input so as to avoid further strain (rarely, however, the PAK may return control of the weapons to the Irken rather than simply retract them; one of the few glitches that remain in the system, though it is considered mostly harmless). 2.) The Irken is unable to call on an atmospheric generator in a hostile environment, or even in open space (though in that case there is little that can be done), upon which the system scanner will send out an distress signal before directing the PAK's power core to shut down; upon being relocated to a proper atmosphere, the Irken will promptly be reactivated.

Shutting down is entirely different from deactivation; the latter is an entire erasure of the Irken in question, while the former is meant to preserve the Irken or its body shell in various situations. Shut down can be induced by the PAK's host if necessary, such as to conserve energy on long journeys or to give the illusion that the Irken is dead. During the procedure, all data will be copied onto the back-up drive in case anything goes wrong during the reactivation process, and all systems will begin to lock themselves down, ceasing function until only the system scanner remains active; at this point, the Irken will seem as though they are completely dead. In shut down, an Irken cannot be picked up by most scanning techniques, or will appear equally dead, and the system scanner gives off such little energy that it's rarely noticed.

Hibernation is slightly different from shut down; the PAK continues to fully operate, and a reactivation process isn't required to bring the Irken out of it. In many respects, it is similar to sleep; unlike sleep, however, it cannot be used as an alternative source for energy, and the Irken can draw themselves out of a hibernation at a moment's notice. It is used mainly in shorter journeys, where energy is not an immediately concern and a reactivation might be considered a slight setback (as it can be rather disorientating), where it is helpful in alleviating boredom, and it can also quicken healing processes if the Irken happens to be injured.

In the case of PAK shut down, the system scanner has one final use; before reactivation can take place, a test signal is sent out to ensure the area is safe. If it is deemed so, the Irken will be revived. Of course, in cases of long journeys, where the process is initiated only to preserve energy, the host can determine a length of time to remain in shut down before being reactivated.

The PAK itself is attached to the Irken's back slightly below their shoulderblades, connecting to the spinal cord and allowing communication between artificial and natural brain. Severing this connection in any way will send the Irken's nervous system into overdrive, and if they are left without the input of their PAK for more than ten minutes, their natural brain will cease to function properly and they will die. At this point, the PAK will be unable to reattach to that particular Irken. If removed from its host, a PAK will remain idle for only a few minutes before seeking out another being to attach to, whether it is the original host or a new one. While it technically can attach to another Irken to survive, none can allow it, as it interferes with the workings of their own PAK. However, if the rogue PAK is attached quickly to a new body shell, the data of the original Irken will be retained, and despite the death of the old body shell, they will be considered the same person.

In rare cases, a PAK may attach to a member of an alien race; however, few if any races are compatible with the technology, and while their personalities and minds might be overcome by the Irken's data, it will more than likely end with the PAK deactivating, killing its new host in the process.

Upon the removal of their PAK, an Irken will see - in their mind's eye - a small clock that counts down from the ten minute mark; this is known as the Life-Clock, showing how long is left until the body shell dies and the PAK deactivates. PAK deactivation is a total wipe of an Irken's data, and is often used as punishment for crimes.

While the Irken's mind relies on the PAK, its biology does not. Irken bodies are highly durable, and are maintained by a major organ known as the squeedilyspooch, which on its own performs almost all of the functions that the various human organs do. There are only a few separate organs, one acting as the equivalent of a heart, another as a center for a separate immune system that works in synchronism with the system scanner and nanobots of the PAK to further speed recovery. Because of this, it is rare for an Irken to actually get sick, the only common ailment being nausea or vomiting due to a food aversion or an excessively disgusting situation. And while some Irkens may claim to get headaches, it is typically only for effect or to prove a point, such as in the case of a coworker being particularly annoying.

Food and drinks taken in are quickly processed and digested in the lower 'spooch, and along with sleep, eating brings the only source of energy that is not stored in the PAK itself; of course, there are certain things that cannot be fully broken down by the body. This waste is not, as with humans, passed from the body completely, but is taken by the PAK and recycled into a separate energy source, which is stored in the charging cell for later use.

Irken bones are pliant, able to take a good deal of pressure, and they are able to bend somewhat without immediately breaking; at the fingers and toes, the bones end sharply to lend a claw-like appearance. While tendons are strong, the muscles are not very highly developed, leading to the dependence on weapons and PAKs rather than brute strength, as an Irken is rarely very powerful physically. The durability of their bodies, however, makes them able to withstand punishing blows and hostile surroundings with little problem, although they are not entirely well suited for extreme heat (which, to them, is somewhere around a hundred degrees), preferring the cooler and drier habitat of their home planet.

Their bodies are very mild in temperature; were a human to touch them, there would be only the slightest hint of warmth to the skin. Their blood is almost completely clear pink, and is very thick and sticky, circulating through the body slowly and serving mostly as a conduit for the PAK's electrical current. It is due to this current that Irkens react badly to water, though it is not - in fact - because of the water itself; pure water is harmless to them, as their skin protects them from natural elements. Most of the water on Earth, however, has various contaminants from pollution, which throw off that protective balance and interrupt the electrical flow, causing severe irritation of the skin and flesh. The skin itself is tough, and is covered in millions of tiny scales, though it is impossible to notice without close examination. The scales give the skin a smooth and sleek feel, akin to that of a snake, and while tough, it can be easily irritated, one of the reasons Irkens dress in full-body uniforms (more on other reasons later).

The teeth, while bearing an odd zipper-like shape, were once particularly useful in accordance to the Irken's past diet. Seemingly belonging to a race of carnivores, as the edges border on razor-sharp, they were in fact used only to bite through the tough vegetation the race consumed before evolving to thrive on manufactured goods. They were also used in defense, as to what few predators that roamed their home planet (and any other animals, for that matter) eons ago, Irkens had a highly poisonous bite.

Those who are placed into military service will generally be given ocular implants, enhancing peripheral vision and sight overall. Irken eyes are otherwise not much more developed in comparison to that of humans, though they are much better suited to darker environments. Between the eyes and mouth is a small permeable membrane, through which smells can be detected, and sounds are picked up via the antennae.

With the introduction of the smeeteries, the Irken race rid themselves of physical gender and are thus no longer capable of sexual reproduction, or even copulation. They cannot feel arousal, in any way/shape/form, and cannot get pregnant or impregnate another via any natural means. With the lack of genitalia came a different viewpoint on modesty, though that will be addressed later. Originally, Irkens were hermaphrodites, all able to bear or sire young, and while there are specimens in the present that appear to be female, it is merely a long-lasting genetic strain of the initial leaders of their kind, hence the overwhelming surplus of what most incorrectly assume to be males.